Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Beeing of a sensitive nature and taking easy to tears I sometimes feel used, like Im beeing run over by some sort of emotional rollercoaster, manipulated, when subjected to sertain types of melodrama wheter it be high art or soap operas.

When I first tasted true tristesse I ran away to Budapest for half a year. The year was 1998, and while there was a fine underground scene, access to foreign music off the mainstream-charts was greatly limited. Especialy since the furnished appartment I lived in came with a communist style stereo who only could play audio cassetes. I listened a lot to a couple Greenday audio tapes; I had found in some subway underground stall (with togheter with half of Pink Floyds Ummagumma, Jimi Hendrix and Creedence Clearwater Revival); while trying to drink myself to death. Sadly I soon realized I was to much of a pussy to off myself Leaving Las Vegas-style, and the suffering only continues.

A few years later I saw the video below in some bar somewhere and I spontaniously started crying - even though I had never seen or heard the video/song before. I felt shamed, felt naked then, felt gratitude that the bar was dark, that I had no company but my own. Interestingly, while I still cry every time I see this music video, I never felt emotionally used in spite of the seeming lameness of the drama.

1 comment:

  1. I remember. There's still a heart carved in a tree on the Buda-side.