My last (published) post was way back on October
6th of 2010. In the Meanwhile I have been experiencing
divorce Elsewhere.
I don't even remember what, if
anything, I wrote at the time about this. But I was not happy. I had
spent more or less 24 hours a day with a wonderful woman for 7 years.
We spent about 6 months being in love, but chaste. Then, after that
early morning when she first came home with me; she never left. It
was her 21th birthday, and the year after I proposed on
her birthday, and the year after we got married, and the marriage
lasted about 5 years.
I needed to know if being in a
relationship was what made me so unhappy. My parents got divorced
when I was 5 because my dad had this idea he liked males more than
females (there is more to that story, but, you know, not now: ask me
later). My mother, still alive, may I outlive her to save her that
pain, never had a new man. When she is drunk and we have one of our
talks, she claims to have had lovers, and I both hope and belive it
is true – because sometimes she reminds me more of a nun than a
mum: but she clearly is a woman. My father had a couple of
relationships, in the end he even married an older man; but they
lived apart.
For me, to be a good husband to her, I
needed to know if maybe I was made to be alone. I needed to know if
she was suffering me, or if I was suffering her. My camino two years
previous had convinced me I needed to do another camino, longer and
solitare – and now I had come to a point in my life were that was
much needed.
It took me more than a hundred days –
from Bordeaux to Finisterre and Beyond - but in the end I was not
only converted to some sort of a theist, but I also knew in the
depths of my soul that I was not made to be alone. And when I came
back I was finally ready to be the man she deserved. That man she had
seen and fallen in love with and married. That man that had only
existed as potential.
But in the Meanwhile she had been given
the time to discover she were likely to be more happy Elsewhere.
Since then I have mostly been
traveling. Brazil, Mexico, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Netherlands,
Nepal, Poland, Spain, France. I tried moving back home for a while, a
couple of times. But that was hard for me. And in the end They raised
the rent for my apartment by about 50%, and my struggle to live like
a decent normal and private person went wherever lost causes go and
since february 2013 I've lived in the houses of friends, girlfriends,
hostels and hotels in Spain and then across northern latin america.
First I went to this girl I was in love
with in Spain, but that went to shit in record speed. Then, I was
trying to decide what-next, when a friend needed me in Mexico. So
Mexico it was. And then when my friend no longer needed me, I went
to San Cristobal in Chiapas and there I pondered long and hard where
to go next. I wasn't able to write, and I wasn't able to push myself
to do much constructive work but reading. But being on the verge of
speaking some sort of spanish, and being here, and having my
camino-experiences as to what traveling with certain rules does to
your apreciation of time and space...
... I decided to start traveling
towards the south end of the continent without using areoplanes. I
skipped Belize, took a month in Guatemala, dropped by Honduras and El
Salvador, spent a little more time in Nicaragua, kinda hated on
Panama and took the boat to Carthagena, Colombia, and now I am in
Bogota after more than half a year here.
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